eliminating ‘that’

It’s no surprise that John McCain’s staff jumped on a comment Joe Biden made yesterday in New Hampshire. In answering a question about Hillary Clinton, Biden said, “She’s easily qualified to be vice president of the United States of America and, quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me.”

Ben Porritt, a spokesman for Sarah Palin, responded. “It’s very interesting that when it comes down to Barack Obama’s biggest decision of the presidential election in choosing a vice president, the man that he selects says that he himself was the wrong choice, and that Hillary Clinton would have been a better fit.”

Here’s a tip any newspaper editor will tell you: The pronoun that is often superfluous. Removing it can make a sentence lighter and more agile. Let’s look at the above quote, one sentence containing four thats. The first works; it helps make the point. The second is unnecessary. It would read more smoothly if it simply said “the man he selects.” The third and fourth could be removed, too.

Don’t pull a Porritt. Make your memos and e-mails a bit lighter: Scan them for thats and do a little pruning.