the subjunctive mood

The U.S. Olympic Track and Field teams have demonstrated a slippery grasp of batons and grammar. In less than an hour, both the men’s and the women’s 4×100 relay teams dropped batons in preliminary heats, destroying their chances of challenging the Jamaicans.

Mechelle Lewis talked to the press about teammate Lauryn Williams’ bobble. “I wouldn’t be too happy if I was her,” Lewis said.

The subjunctive mood is used to describe a condition contrary to fact. Think of Tevye’s wistful song “If I Were A Rich Man” in Fiddler on the Roof. He knows he never will be wealthy, yet he can’t help but fantasize. (And though Gwen Stefani changed the lyrics, she retained the proper grammar, providing a musical model for a new generation.)

Use were in the part of the sentence that expresses what is not true - whether you have a singular or plural subject. (If I were her, I wouldn’t have dropped the baton. If we were the Jamaicans, we would be wearing gold medals right now.) The rest of the sentence should use wishful verbs such as would or could. (If I were Shawn Johnson, I could skip the first week of school.)

Mechelle Lewis should have said, “I wouldn’t be too happy if I were her.” But if I were Lewis, I’d keep my mouth shut.